Checked Out

I check people out. Each and every day, I check out people. Some of the checking out is for my job (Besides working for USDA ARS, I also work at a Publix supermarket where I checkout customers). But, some of the checking out I do is not for my job. Sometimes, I "check out" women with shapely bodies. I do not mean that I only glance their physical attributes. Rather, I gaze upon them with lust. It is wrong for me to do that. I am not only filling my mind with impure thoughts, I am also disrespecting the women, and sinning against God. I have realized this for a long time. Yet, I have continually justified my lust in order to satisfy my sickening appetite (In a pathetically ironic way, this appetite is insatiable: the more I devour the more I desire). I had ignored my conscience for so long that I ceased to feel remorse over my lustful thoughts. What I never realized until now, was how the women feel when they are the victim of my lust.
Near the end of my shift at Publix, I was counting down my cash register. One of my friends told me that for the last several minutes someone had been checking me out. As it turns out, one of the customers who regularly comes through my line had been looking me up and down for about a whole minute while I was counting out the money. At first I felt awkward and a little uneasy, though taking pride in the fact that someone thought me attractive. But when I was told more, everything changed. The customer who had been eyeing me with a queer smile was another male! I felt so violated; I felt ashamed and disgusted that I had been the object of his sexual desire. While I had done nothing wrong, I felt filthy and defiled inside and out. The rest of my evening was miserable. I was literally sick to my stomach out of shame and embarassment. It was then that I realized how severely I've wounded so many women. I was violated once by one man, but women deal with the same thing innumerable times each day. As I realized this, I was broken with the sickening realization of how I have sinned against so many women; stripping them of their true beauty only to manipulate their flesh in my mind. It would be impossible for me to restore all the damage. I can only apologize for what I've done and strive to treat all woman with the respect and honor they deserve. If I have looked upon you with lust, I am truly sorry. It was wrong of me to violate you in such a way. Please forgive me for the shame and hurt I have caused. I pray that every time I am tempted to lust after a woman that I would remember how is feels to be an object of desire.

Mud, Mud, Mud...

I work for the USDA ARS. Most of my time is spent working out in the field. With all the rain we've been having lately, the field has been transformed into a glorious mud puddle. So after playing in the mud all day, my mommy made me take a bath...ewww gross! As I was sitting in the tub enjoying my natural mud pack, I had an epiphany (Which leads me to another subject altogether; why is it that every great idea comes to me while I am in the shower?). Anyway, it dawned on my why little children's skin looks so healthy...it is because they play in the mud.

• Children love to get dirty and play in the mud,
• Children have smooth, soft skin

Connection? On the other hand, adults do not play in the mud, and they have wrinkles and dry skin. Well, there you go. If you want to look beautiful and young, play in the mud more often.

Finding Neverland

So my dad rented a movie...that usually doesn't turn out very good. It was so bad in fact that we brought it back to Movie Gallery and then let us have a different movie. We settled on Finding Neverland. It is a great film that takes you right into the imagination of the author of Peter Pan. The story follows his life and the relationship he has with a widow and her four sons, who are the inspiration for his masterpiece. The story is very intimate, even poignantly personal at times. I wholeheartedly recommend that you take an evening and indulge in this fantastical story that is based on actual events.

What is Your Greatest Fear?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."

"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."

"We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

- Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love

Happy Birthday to Me!

So, yeah, I am no longer a teenager. That makes me sad.

So far only one person has wished me a happy birthday. If your name is Sarah Wirgau, you rock.

(This is my longest post to date)

The Beginning of the End

This is my inaugural post.