What's War Worth?

Whoa! I just got an e-mail telling me that another one of my friends is joining the military. Matt has a lot of courage to join the Marines right now. I've actually thought about joining the military, but I lean more towards the Navy. Ever since I watched Black Hawk Down I've had second thoughts about being in the infantry. Not only are you in more danger, but the realities of war are staring you down face-to-face. I guess that thrill is appealing to a young man. I remember when I used to play war growing up; I'd always imagine myself as the valiant hero fighting against the forces of evil. Always vastly outnumbered I would courageously attack the neverending stream of enemies until with my last ounce of strength I would achieve victory. But things change. Now when I imagine myself in war I see the terror of death. And that same terror that leaves my mouth cotton dry is reflected in the petrified eyes of my enemy. The truthg is, I've never been in a war. In fact, I've never ever really been in a fight. But I know what happens there and I know that what happens in war changes you. And perhaps the thought of how war will change me is more terrifying than the battle itself. Both my grandfathers served in the Navy; one in a fighter jet and another in a submarine. Each returned with haunting memories. Grandpa Waller was haunted by the memories of his best friends, his fellow fighter pilots. They flew out together but only he returned. Would he survive the next mission? Would ever be the same if he did? Grandpa Miller faced the same questions and more when his sub dove past the point of no return evading torpedos. The terror of being trapped in an iron grave miles below the surface and life is not something easy to forget. They both survived the wars. But they were forever changed. Their legacy leaves me with pentrating questions. Do I have the courage to fight for what I believe? Are justice, freedom and peace worth dying for? I desprately want to answer in resounding affirmation. But the other questions haunt me: How badly will war affect me? In the end, are the changes I fight for more important than the changes in me? Surely I would risk my life for what I believe in, but would I risk my sanity? These are the questions that every warrior must face, but the answers are what haunts them.